Imagine breaking a bone, now you've got the flu on top of that broken bone, but it's every bone in your body.....So basically a cool story would be I was on this amazing ski vacation and an avalanche came and swept me down the Mt breaking every bone along the way and it took hours for rescuers to dig me out so I ended up with pneumonia on top of it all....yep that's how it really feels, except our bones don't heal, our flu/pneumonia doesn't go away this is everyday for the rest of our lives, the other sad part I don't have a cool story behind my limp. Stranger 'oh did you strain your hip?' me cool answer "No my body is just trying to kill me"...real answer "I have Rheumatoid Arthritis" stranger 'aren't you to young for that' or 'oh ya I have that in my knee' good comeback would be "oh no really, I'm sorry for that, have you started chemos yet because you know it can kill you" in reality I just say "oh sorry to hear that" and walk away. It's always after I walk away from this encounters that I come up with what I should have said, kicking self I could have raised awareness. Oh well I just go out with my smile on my face and when people ask how are you "I'm good" because really who wants to hear I am fevered today (they'll think I'm contagious) I am trying to get everything done before my fatigue knocks me to the ground and my pain makes me unable to put together a complete sentence let alone try to get up and walk..."I'm good" such simple words, what's funny is I have never been a person who can lie, but now I do it almost on a daily basis with two little words "I'm good"
For anyone who knows me please don't make me tell you how I really am. It embarrasses me, somehow I feel weak. Don't ask me what you can do to help, the list is so long I don't even know where to start. Want to really help me? Bring a dinner for my poor family that has to make it all the time, come pull a few weeds so I can at least look out my window to beauty, but please don't ask me how you can help because honestly one of these days I may answer you honestly and scare the pants off of you ;)
How am I really doing right now, I have been in a constant flare, I don't know how much longer I can honestly live like this, but my Husband and My girls always make me laugh and make everyday worth it. Right now my meds aren't working, but I am trying I will never stop searching for something that will work for me. Right now I am treading water, but trust me when things change you will hear about it...I will be shouting it from the roof tops!
Thanks for checking out my little blog, I hope you enjoyed your stay. Small disclaimer I did not make the photo above it has been shared and past on so many times that I can not track the original maker so please count this as giving you credit for your amazing pic.
Thanks for sharing and know you are never alone in this RA journey. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you tmomma thankfully we aren't alone and I am so thankful for the awesome community we have to remind each other.
DeleteWe need tshirts..."no, my body is just trying to kill me!" Awesome! I'm totally going to remember that one.
ReplyDeleteI love the tshirt idea!!!
DeleteBeing diagnosed at 7 (hard to believe it's been nearly 30 years) with JRA, I've heard so many comments of "you're too young..." or "I have arthritis in my pinkie" or any other number of things that just grate on my nerves. One day, tired of hearing the too young comment, I replied "Well, you figure out a way to go back in time and tell my 7 yr old body it's too young and tell my docs the same because I am sure they'll love to hear that they were wrong." Needless to say, it was not well received. But oh well. The words "I'm fine." come out of my mouth even when the person asking knows better than to think I really am fine. But what else can I say? I don't catalog all that's wrong, not because I worry others don't want to hear it, but because I get tired of saying it over and over. If I am sick of saying it, then I know others don't want to hear it. So, I use the standard "I'm fine." and those who know me best know how to read me and know how I really am. Even my son learned that at a very early age. He's also seemed to be very tuned into how I am feeling. He's never known me any other way. Both he and my husband know me well enough to know without me saying when it's a rough day. They can see flares coming on sometimes before I do. I am thankful that I have them in my life. Life with RA is not easy. Too many people see those with RA as weak, or think we whine, or even blow things way out of proportion and we can't possibly hurt as bad as we say we do. But, RA teaches us just how strong we are. Most of us tend to minimize our struggles and keep silent about problems.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing! It's a great way to deal with the things life with RA hands us.
Waynette,
DeleteI would have loved to have seen the persons face when you replied LOL. I know those days when you just want to say what you're really thinking so glad to hear someone did. Thank you for the comment and thank you for stopping by my little blog.